My thoughts are with you during this time of sadness and parting. It can be terribly difficult to say goodbye to someone who we were close to, but not on good terms with, when they die. Even if the problems were not of our own making, we are they only ones left to blame. But you don't deserve that.
You did the right thing at the hospital, with Tiger. I spoke with his attending physician and there was no way, that he could have ever recovered to become even a shadow of himself. He would not have wanted to go on that way.
Victor and Trey explained about the possible Impulse in the bottle of wine that we shared. And so I want to share my thoughts about this with you. I am sorry if that incident created a rift between you and Tiger; but I don't believe that it did. I think that distance had been there for a long time. I think that he treated you badly, or at the very least, did not treat you as well as you deserve. In all of his rage prior to our duel, I saw more fear over public embarrassment than anger over what had happened between us. If his reputation for fidelity had been different, or his anger at me real jealousy, I would have apologized immediately to him. I don't make it a habit to fight duels. I still apologize to you for any harm that this brought you. However, his behavior only made me realize how incredibly unfair he was to you. I knew that if I killed him in the duel, you would never see me again, but I could not walk away. Even if you would never have me because I would have been responsible for his death, at least you would be free to find someone better for you than he was. I understand the bonds of custom and habits that keep people in destructive relationships. But you deserve better.
Let's talk about Impulse and that night we spent together. Although I would not have ever stayed if I thought that your invitation was not of your free will, let me explain why I did. I think that you are an incredibly charming, funny and attractive woman. I don't take up every such invitation. And I would not have, if from what I knew of your marriage that it was a happy one and this was just the result of a momentary weakness. I am not some opportunist that takes advantage of some woman's drunken state and then flees before first light. When we made love that night it was with a passion and ferocity, I have never felt before - for any living person, nor has anyone shown such love to me. I remember that night with you lying by my side, hearing your breath and feeling your warmth next to me in the quietness of the dark. It was a sin, a scandal, immoral. I say it frankly, for I have been taught so all my life. I sinned against customs, against morals, I abused my family and yours, and risked exposing them to public shame, and I even risked possible loss of my employment at the hospital. Yet I have never been closer to God, nor felt his love and goodness more than that night in your arms. My only true regret has been that it was but a passing moment, never to be repeated.
I will love you forever and want you by my side. I realize that you may blame me for all of what happened after this. And if you can never feel anything for me, then I can accept that, because I want you to be happy. If you will accept only my platonic friendship, then I am willing to help you in whatever way I may. Even if that only means a friendly ear to listen to your troubles. If, however, whatever happened between us was because "something" had just unlocked the feelings that we each have within us for the other, then we should not walk away from each other. I am willing to wait for you, to come to terms with Tiger's memory, and more importantly with what you want for yourself and your family in the future. I am not noble and I am not rich, but I have skills and a job that can earn us a comfortable living wherever we are, should you choose to stay with me. If what happened between us was impulse, it was the finest of my life. In fact I want nothing more in my life than to pursue that impulse for the rest of it.
All my love, Will